Reviewing much of my work and recalling interactions with teachers and students, I have noticed that the things I have written do not at all reflect the immense struggle and agonized thought that has gone into generating these writings. I have struggled to conform to assignments and have narrowly touched on the required topics and nearly rejected my instructors' assignments to write a paper for my own purposes and have still received exemplary grades because even the teacher does not recognize my rebellious internal conflict.
Though I feel like I am going against standard knowledge or opposing perspectives--being non-conformist--my objective is to bring all knowledge into conformity with a single philosophy. It is a harmonizing philosophy. Maybe that is why the conflict cannot be sensed. Maybe it is the diluted emotional nature of intellectual language. Know this, as easy as this is to read, it has not been easy to write.